Jun 3, 2009

Dream Casts (Movies)

Over the last couple of years there has been a growing concern that there is no more creativity left in Hollywood, which has generated remakes, reboots, spin-offs, prequels and sequels of should-be-dead franchises. According to Entertainment Weekly, there are plans to bring to theaters a reboot of the not even finished decomposing Scream franchise, a remake of Karate Kid, the billionth Winnie The Pooh movie, a prequel to the movie Alien, a movie for Heathcliff (which is laughable considering they couldn't even do Garfield right), and the straw that broke this camel's back ... Where's Waldo.

...What?

I'm not a legitimate screen writer, but just based off of my love for a select handful of iconic actors, I could make up better, more original ideas than this that would at least draw enough of a crowd to make it's budget money back.

Idea 1:
Vin Diesel is a self-centered rebel without a cause, living on the edge and doing what he pleases. He's in the worst part of town, filled with the most sadistic gangs, but the majority of them know that when Diesel's character is in the same bar to keep their mouths shut and their eyes forward. Some new gang in town's got a little too much zest in them. Some mouthy little punk (Katt Williams? Andre 3000 maybe?) gets on Diesel's bad side which is just the opening needed for the crowd to get a taste for what kind of demons Diesel is packing, leading to a gruesome massacre of everyone the mouthy punk is with, but being more clever than brave, the loudmouth gets out alive and reports to his boss. Who's his boss? International kingpin of crime who's not afraid to rough up a cop or judge personally, Jason Statham. That's right. It's the battle of the baldies. Maybe have one start with hair only to lose it over the course of the movie, but tell me this scene doesn't make your mouth water - it's down to Statham and Diesel in a gun battle. You hear the shot fire and we're staring at the back of a bald head... but who's head is it? The body falls out of our line of view, and we see Diesel still standing.

Idea 2:
A feelgood comedy about morals, growth and standing up for yourself, especially against the odds. Topher Grace wants to set a good example for his younger brother in life, but his younger brother is the ever-so-awkward Michael Cera, who's no better at confrontation with other guys, or debonaire moves with the ladies than Grace. The built-in formatted ending for this tale - Cera snaps and goes off on a tangent on Grace, which inspires him to stand up to whatever external opposition has been threatening them through the film. Grace looks like a hero, and inspires Cera to then become a more impressive specimen of machismo himself.

Idea 3:
Seth Rogen is... Seth Rogen. Let's face it, as funny as he is, he's pretty much the same guy in every movie. He's deadpan comedy at it's finest, cynical, dark and edgy, and mostly self-serving. But let's burden him by chaining to someone who can remain utterly depressed appearing while still being funny. Let's try Zach Galifanakis. Galifanakis can hit with punchlines with such a serious tone that you have no idea how deeply rooted his issues stem. Frankly, I don't care what they do or where they do it. Put them in the old "escape from prison, but we're still chained together" scenario, it'd still work. Make them both employees at a real low end job. If you've seen either of these men, you'll know it won't matter.

Idea 4:
Not fully fleshed out, but I feel there needs to be something done between Russell Crowe and Robert Downey Jr. Something sleezy but funny, with enough drama to bring in the ladies on the plot as well. Maybe Downey owns a crooked Strip Club that deals in more than just male entertainment in the back rooms. Put a Mafia spin on it, and you have undercover police officer, Russell Crowe trying to bring things down from the inside. Alternatively: let's make it a Sci-Fi movie. Keep Crowe as a straight-laced, play-by-the-rules type, maybe working for the law enforcement in some manner, but with his whole world crashing down around him from aliens or inter-dimensional creatures or something of that nature, only Robert Downey Jr., an astute but smart allec scientist has an insider's eye on the subject. Downey and Crowe butt heads through the movie about how to go about things, showing their clashing personalities, but in the end Downey turns out to be the villain you've progressively hated more and more, maybe making a selfish turn at the end by pulling a gun on Crowe and revealing some sort of plan to save himself. Shock and awe! Downey was the one that unleashed the horrors and no one will ever know about it as soon as Crowe is dead.

It's that simple to make a unique movie now.
Take your favorite actors, see what parts they've been good at before, and throw them together. The rest of the movie will form around them.

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