Apr 26, 2010

CBVGR: Heavenly Guardian

Video Review:

Script: Welcome to the Clearance Bin Video Game Review by Organized Remains. We're playing Heavenly Guardian for the Wii. You can find it for $5. It's also available for the PS2 for also $5. That's kind of a weird situation that it would only be on the Wii and PS2. It's made by a third party, so I'm assuming the PS3 and Xbox 360 spat on it.

I'm looking at the cover and... is that Heat Miser from a Year without a Santa Clause? If Heat Miser and a troll toy had a child... that's what it would look like. Also there's a grape... with a mouth. Alright I had my fun mocking the cover on to the game itself.

Without seeing the back of the case, you wouldn't know that this is a 2D retro old school looking game. Being an old school gamer I thought that this might be enjoyable. You play as this girl, and a bunny. You walk around using the nun chuk analog stick, and shoot ammo using the WiiMote and the A button. The controls are not that great, and aiming the WiiMote will take a long time to get use to.

I'm playing the first level, and I'm finding the game pretty easy... until I get to this boss! The first time I get to him I have this nice weapon that reaches him pretty easily, but then he crushes me with his fist. Now I have to start back at a checkpoint with a crappy weapon. Now I get back to the boss and I have to go close to him... I die. I lose all three of my lives, and it asks if I want to continue. I now have to start at the beginning of the level, like most old school video games. I then make it to the boss again... what happens!? I lose all three of my lives. Alright I'm sick of this guy, this level might be easy to get through, but it's so boring!

It's time to look up some cheats. Most old school games had some level select cheat, and this must have one. I go onto Gamefaqs and I find Level Select... how do I get it though? Beat the game once!? Ahhhh!!!!

May I also add... There is no saving in this game. They save your score... that's it. If you want to beat this game, you have to do it old school and sit there the couple of hours and beat it.

Final Say: I'm awful at this game I admit it. Some might say I didn't give it enough of a chance, but believe me I really wanted to like this game. I love old school games, but this is not what I'm looking for. I just am sick of this first level, and I just want to stay away. If you like moving a character around the screen and pointing at objects and shooting (also if you look at this game, and say "I think this would be really fun!")... this game might... might be for you. If you didn't like any of the looks of this game... stay away.

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