Aug 28, 2010

Clash Of The Titans Remake Review

Premise:
Man gets tired of the Gods. Man destroy statue of Zeus. Zeus is all like "OH NO YOU DIDN'T!" Zeus listens to his brother Hades who is like, "hey Zeus, let's just wipe this whole city off the map, everyone hates us, .... something, then profit!" and Zeus is all like, "OH MY ME! THAT'S A GREAT IDEA HADES! LETS DO THAT!" But on Earth, Zeus' illegitimate demigod son Perseus watches his adopted family get killed in one of Hades' rampages. So Perseus wants to kill Hades but he has to go on half a dozen or so mini-quests before he can get to the big boss!~


Standouts:
It's been a while since I've seen the original Clash of the Titans from 1981, but I'll say this seems like a pretty fun remake. It expands on a lot of the action scenes, adds more characters in some areas and gives more depth to other characters so you care when they're fed to monsters. Then there were some subtractions of characters, such as the mechanical owl who was reduced to a brief humorous cameo. I was actually alright with the reduction of the owl because it always seemed out of place in a movie about Greek mythology to me.

While depth was given to some of the background characters, the directors really screwed up one thing - their appearance. All of the women looked the same in this film to me, and all of the men who weren't Perseus looked essentially the same. I could distinctly figure out five people out of the maybe fifteen I was supposed to recognize when they were on the screen - Perseus, Zeus, Hades, and the two hunters who reminded me of a cross between Bill and Ted, and the two main characters from Bio-Dome. Would it really have killed them to not have every warrior classified as "old" have the same long hair and graying beard, and all the warriors classified as young not been clean shaven and long haired?


My Highlights:
The scorpion fight was pretty epic and though I thought the end to the original Clash's fight with Medusa was better, the bulk of this version of the film's fight with Medusa was pretty sweet.


Overall Rating:
I find this film kind of hard to rate, but I think I'll give it a generous 3 *'s out of 5, or 6 out of 10. I've seen better, but I've also seen worse. It wasn't the worst way to spend 1 hr 46 min. It would have been better if they could have found a way to trim it down, maybe cut one of Perseus' adventures out and get a solid 90 minute action flick, but at least it didn't start rubbing two hours.


When You Should See It:
This is basically a movie tailor-made for cable TV. There's just enough violence and romance to not be gratuitous but while making you think you're seeing a really wild action movie. See it when it comes on F/X, or USA, or TNT, or Spike TV. Whatever channel you get that likes to throw mediocre movies at you that you think are good at the time because there's nothing else on so by comparison it's awesome. Watch it then. Don't waste your money on it though.

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