Best Infomercial Ever

I have no idea if this is all an intensely scripted dead-pan comedy ten minute infomercial, or just the most bizarre, everything that could go wrong does go wrong ten minutes of this guy's life. But you get everything from vulgar call-ins to the production director needing to point out obvious stuff to a clearly exhausted hype man doing way too much.

MAKE SOME MORE OF DAT JUUUIIICE!


Language NSWF!

Film Companies Stick It To Redbox

image from watchitguide.net

According to Slashfilm.com film industry mega-giants, Fox and Universal are really putting the screws to Redbox these days. As anyone who follows this blog knows, we're huge fans of Netflix and Redbox, so anyone who tampers with our beloved rental systems get us riled up. We recently reported the news that these production conglomerates were putting a 28-day waiting period on all new releases for Netflix. These same companies seem to be using underhanded dirty politicking to turn mega-retailers like Walmart and Target against Redbox. The two stares are going to institute a five new release maximum-purchase rule to ensure that Redbox's supplies stay limited. Walmart will institute the rule for any new release for a very inconspicuous amount of time - 28 days, whereas Target, the lighter hearted of the two will only "enforce" (and I use that term lightly) the rule a week after a DVD is released. Walmart issued the following blanket statement to cover themselves:

"From time to time, we have placed purchase limits on products at stores so that they can be accessible and available to as many customers as possible."

I understand purchase-limits on things like... tomatoes. Stock of food is important to limit at certain points in time because that's a non-infinite resource. It takes time to grow produce. These are DVDs! Not exactly a product that we ship to third world countries because they're in low supply of them. In all of the support for Haiti, I'm pretty sure the money donated isn't going toward food, water, shelter, and a hundred thousand copies of Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs. Sorry Americans! You can't rent or buy six copies of this new release this month because we had to send a good majority of the produced supply to Haiti. Don't try to be coy about it, Walmart, just admit your in bed with the grand-daddies of Hollywood film production.

And the article I linked to also makes a good point. How the heck are Walmart and Target going to enforce this to stop Redbox employees from buying these DVDs for their service's purposes? Sure, you've deterred them by ensuring a single employee doesn't buy in bulk, but surely you could have a company picnic outside the store and send each employee in one at a time to buy five copies. All in all, I say to you Walmart/Target/Fox/Universal: Fail.

Contest Winner!

Despite the very cheesy intro, our Clearance Bin Video Game Review of The Darkness has won a video game review contest. Thanks to BasketballPlayerTy for having the contest.

The Darkness was also our first video to use it's own theme song thanks to http://www.superluminalcomet.com/. Also it was the first video we experimented with HD quality. Below is the CBVGR: The Darkness. Don't forget to check out the other contestants. They can be found in the video responses.

Great News for NH

The Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt was the runner up best internet meme of 2009 here at Organized Remains. Now the shirt has become the official shirt of New Hampshire's Economic Development. They say it symbolizes great business, but we know it symbolizes everything amazing. Our home state just became the greatest state of all time.

The other day I found out New Hampshire is the 7th best state to start a business in. Can we thank the shirt for this? Yes... yes we can. We interviewed our neighbor Phil to get his intake.

ORB - Phil can you tell us, what has this shirt done for you?

Phil - Well I have many uses for it, from bath towel, to shelter. This shirt does it all. I was in a downward spiral with drugs, alcohol, and Crazy Taxi on the Sega Dreamcast, but now I'm all cured! My family thinks they were a big impact in helping me, but lets be honest... it's the shirt.

ORB - Wow with all that luck, I'm sure you bought each of your family members one.

Phil - Why would I do such a thing? I don't want them getting all the luck. It's time they realize I'm the man of the house!

ORB - Well that sounds a little mean. Does your family even know about the shirt?

Phil - Oh yes, especially my oldest son. I wet the three wolf moon shirt, twirl it up and throw it against his wall. The vibration from the shirt causes his whole room to become an electric vortex... I'm not sure what that does, but you can ask Ronnie.... RONNIE! COME DOWNSTAIRS AND TALK TO THIS MAN!

Ronnie - What dad?

Phil - Tell the nice people what an electric vortex is... and does.

Ronnie - What are you talking about... did you make this up?

Phil - Maybe this will remind you! *holds up three wolf moon shirt*... Ronnie?... Ronnie!?

ORB - I think he fainted!

Phil - You better leave.

The Wind of Change

The band the Scorpions decided to end the band after playing for 44 years. Being a fan of their music I thought it would be nice to dedicate a post to a great 80's hair metal band. Here's to you Scorpions for being awesome, and coming up with one of the most iconic guitar riffs of all time for Rock You Like a Hurricane.

PS3 Hacked! What Does The Future Hold!?

Introducing the PS3 Snuggie! Keep your PS3 nice and warm! Warning: Might look stupid... and catch on fire.

According to ARS Technica, the famed iPod hacker has been toiling away for the last three years and now has something to show for it. This same man has finally cracked the Playstation 3! Some of you reading who aren't so tech-savvy may be asking, "so what? I dropped mine last month and cracked it." Well here's what we're talking about, buddy! Because the Playstation Network updates the Playstation 3 so frequently with all kinds of security updates among others, it's apparently incredibly difficult to hack into and change what the Playstation is physically capable to do. Just one example so you can understand, this may allow Playstation 3 users to pirate games! Or maybe more legal uses. So we've compiled a list based entirely off of scientific deducting from our science labs full of scientists, that we call the Organized Remains Battlestation, or ORB for short, of what the Playstation will be capable of by 2012.


1) Hologram Screen.

image from slashgear.com

Your Playstation 3 will no longer need HDMI cables or a TV to hook up too, just ample space above it. The top will open up from the middle and a projector will shoot a hologram screen into the air!


2) Ability to play any system's games, past or present.

image from gadgettell.com

The current Playstation 3 Network already has downloadable Playstation 1 games, proving that once you put the files from games of the past into a particular digital format, it's as easy as downloading it onto your PS3 to play it. Some of the game paddle configurations might take some debugging but none the less, it's coming!


3) Plug-In Work Out Elastics

image from asseenontvpromo.com

Strap down your PS3 and lock the elastic-plug in into your remote control. You now sit on the floor, sit in a sturdy chair, sit on your bed, wherever you're comfortable and play Wii-Fit styled games that tone your pecs and define your biceps, triceps and lats.


4) Vaccume/Pool Cleaner

image from made-in-china.com

Not only will the PS3 be waterproof, but you can unplug it from the outlet, rest it on the ground or in your pool and leave for work. By the time you return you've got one less chore to do!


5) Destroy The Inferior Human Race
Much like how plenty of people look at the book Nineteen Eighty-Four by George Orwell as prophetic of Big Brother in modern civilization, we believe that The Terminator 1 and 2 were prophetic of the future of gaming. Only instead of Cyberdyne, it'll be called Sony.

CBVGR: All-Star Slammin' D-Ball

Video Review:

Script: Welcome to the Clearance Bin Video Game Review by Organized Remains. Take out the PS1 because we're playing some dodge ball! All-Star Slammin' D-Ball to be exact. $3.50 for this PS1 dodgeball action!

First match we played was the Ninjas VS. the Heart Breakers! By skipping the tutorial we had to take some beatings before we learned the basics, but that's what makes dodgeball fun. Passing, ducking, catching, and throwing were the main goals.

The second match we played was the Pranksters VS. the Snipers. This time we knew more about the game, and how to play it. We actually had a lot of fun playing against each other. The controls were nice and easy to use, once you got the hang of it. While the music kept you fist pumping like champions all the way through the game.

There is also a tournament and single player mode if you have no friends. This is not as fun, so friends should probably come with the game.

Final Say: Not much to it, but it was a lot of fun to play. We got competitive, and got really into it. This is probably a great warm up to the real life game of dodgeball, but then again probably not. For a cheap $3.50 multiplayer game, you can't go wrong. Go check it out.

Uplifting News

My last blog's purpose was evidently to bash NBC and take shots at Jay Leno for the screwjob pulled on Conan O'Brien. However on Conan's finale of The Tonight Show he thanked his fans for their loyalty and support, but condemned anyone who let cynicism control them. Conan stated that the worst trait he finds in people is cynics. I wanted a definition so I didn't have to sacrifice my integrity and sense of humor for this, and found cynical to mean: "distrusting or disparaging the motives of others." So this blog, as was Conan's last show, will be all about what I think is fun and/or good natured.

In one news story I'd like to share, according to Digital Trends, the 2 million dollar lawsuit against music pirate martyr Jammie Thomas-Rasset was trimmed drastically by a judge on Friday. The judge called the two million dollar penalty for the downloading of twenty-four songs, "Monsterous and shocking"! Way to go Judge! While the judge probably couldn't get the suit filed by the RIAA against Thomas-Rassett dropped completely, he did knock the total down to $54,000. It still seems needlessly high to me, and likely to the rest of the world based off of how many people get away with pirating free music. Even the RIAA has stated it's given up the crusade of hunting down internet pirates and publicly executing them, instead opting to plead a deal with Internet Service Providers to crack down on the worst offenders. We've still got a long way to go before people are either fairly tried for this offense, or the offense is deemed virtually impossible, but at least the judge had some sympathy on Thomas-Rassett.


And in the same vein that Conan included in his shows for the past week, here are a few of the leading organizations helping the earthquake devastated Haiti, who were recently re-devastated by an aftershock the size of some of California's worsts.

Red Cross

Hope For Haiti

Stiller Strong


Just for fun, because it was something I stumbled upon and thought it was very well crafted, here's an A Capella version of The Killers' hit, "Mr. Brightside".




And if that wasn't enough, I'll close out with an amazing clip, and a thank you to Conan for the seven months of great entertainment. This clip may have been from his last show, of which I hadn't latched onto as a fan when it was airing, but I found this to be the funniest thing Conan's probably ever done. And by Conan I mean Jim Carrey as Conan.

Jay Leno: Reaping The Benefits

According to Entertainment Weekly, Jay Leno's controversy with NBC and Conan O'Brien has only landed him more gigs! Conan is booted off of The Tonight Show in order for Leno to seize his show back; Conan gives huge chunks of his severance to his show crew so they feel valued for their services; and can't legally obtain a new show for seven months due to a no-compete clause. Also, Conan is robbed of his own creative genius' characters.

What happens to Leno? How does he show his remorse for the situation (which granted, isn't likely directly his fault) or condolences toward Conan? Apparently in the near future, he's going to be on Oprah Winfrey and the headlining comedic act for The White House's Correspondents Dinner. Last year's Correspondents Dinner headliner was Wanda Sykes who's stock probably went up ten-fold when she was plastered over every newspaper for brutally attacking such republican extremists as Rush Limbaugh. And with the stigma around Leno now, he's clearly going to cause just as much controversy. The article claims that Leno was booked for the event prior to the NBC show-switching debacle, but wouldn't it make sense to try to distance yourself from those with black clouds hanging over them? There's still four months before the dinner which seems like plenty of time to rebook. Heck, book Conan! He's gonna need the gig!

From the way the article about the Oprah booking is phrased, it seems as though Winfrey is going to go for the jugular and ask the hard hitting, morally digging truth from Leno to see how he truly feels about sweeping the rug out from Conan's feet. But still, this is giving more press to someone who doesn't deserve it! I'm hoping Leno gets booed at either one event or another, because I have a good feeling he won't make any apology and will try to play himself as the victim. His whole response to the situation this last month seems to be primarily "We might leave NBC too because we're so offended!" but then not doing it. Again, it's not 100% his fault. It might be 0% his fault. It seems like he's benefiting greatly from an event he should have a lot of shame in. Admit that Conan is getting screwed and stop making it about yourself Leno!

Someone book Conan for something! I'm sure his no-compete clause of the release contract forbids him from hosting another talk show so soon but there must be something he can do. Cartoon voice-overs? Movie cameos? Being a guest on Tom Green's internet talk show? Book Conan! He's the one people want to see!

Best Flash Games of the Past Decade

Play Online came up with the best flash games of the past decade. Four games for each year, and I must say, some of these games are just a nostalgic slam in the face. Trapped 2, Teletubbies Kill, Water Balloon Drop, Xiao Xiao, Defend your Castle, Dad N' Me, and much more. Just a great list of games!

You've got many hours of fun flash games ahead of you!

Link

Exercise Laptop Bike

Found this image on Reddit, and thought about how awesome this is. Most people reading this blog are using a computer (unless you have a blackberry). This is great news for the people that want to get in shape, but are too addicted to the internet. This idea might have been out for awhile, but this is the first I'm hearing of it. Why hasn't this been advertised more and selling in all the retail stores? I mean they are trying to sell us so many weight loss programs to us, why isn't this among the list? Oh... maybe because it will work.

As I thought about it more and more though, I figured it might cause a lot of problems as well. I'm not sure if peddling will be moving your hands around, but this might be hard to use the laptop mouse. You could always sit still while typing and using the mouse, but then this peddling would only benefit when it comes time to watch a video.

The biggest con I could think of was the seat. This could just be me, but I find bicycle seats to be one of the most uncomfortable things in the world.Source of Image
Maybe we can have one of the types of bikes pictured above with a nice seat. Then the table can extend over your lap. This means it could be used for many different things, from drawing to playing a Sega GameGear. I hope a design like this comes out in the future.

Do we have to stop at this though? How about a bow flex type thing above you that attaches to the bike? So when you are watching a video, you can work your legs and arms. I think people could come up with some great ideas, and this Exercise Laptop Bike is just the start!

Vampire Weekend's "Contra" Review

image from Amazon

Artist: Vampire Weekend
Album: Contra
Release Date: January 12, 2010
Tracks: 10
Runtime: 36:44


Track Breakdown:
(All ratings out of 5 *’s)


1) “Horchata” – Not a bad opener to the album by any means. It’s very festive in a modern day Jimmy Buffet kind of way, unless Jimmy Buffet is still making music in this modern day and it’s terrible. If that’s the case, then it’s nothing like that. But it’s got a very Caribbean feel to it and is very lighthearted. 3 ½ *’s.


2) “White Sky” – Definitely deserving to be picked up by some Indie movie for a top-billing soundtrack song. There’s one minor flaw in this song, that being some irritating high-pitched hollering, but as a whole, this might be a song you skip past others on the album to get to, rather than away from. 4 *’s.


3) “Holiday” – Continues with the summer-breeze, light-hearted, near-Caribbean party kind of vibe from the first track, and keeps up with the same quality as well. The guitar-work mid-way through definitely helps this track out, as at first it sounds a little too uninspiring and almost mediocre. But the guitar-work is fantastic. 3 ½ *’s.


4) “California English” – I wouldn’t be surprised if this song gained some love from showing up on some future Rock Band/Guitar Hero game, because instrumentally it’s definitely very fun. Unfortunately it’s a bit of a concept for a song I couldn’t buy into the delivery on. The lyrics and tone go very fast, in a sort of “It’s The End Of The World As We Know It” manner, but it out-runs me, and I can’t even catch up with the slowed down, gentle, wooful chorus. Sadly, skippable – 2 ½ *’s.


5) “Taxi Cab” – A much more melodic tune rather than the peppy fun the previous tracks carried. I have a good deal of respect for this track because I can appreciate how they mixed classical with progressive rock and gave birth to something of a christmasy-arena rock ballad. Or something. But it’s not something I would want to hear very often and would unfortunately be deemed skippable if it came on over my CD player. 2 ½ *’s.


6) “Run” – Unlike the previous track which was tastefully artsy, this one is too “look how artsy we can be!” When you go experimental, you still need a relatable base to keep people grounded. It’s the difference between Star Wars IV-VI and Star Wars I-III. By far my least favorite track on the album. 1*.


7) “Cousins” – Brings back the jive and the indie-party, but not sure this deserved to be the first true single of the album. Not a bad song, but not the best on the album. Lots of crazy guitar and drum, even bell-work that’s back to tasteful art. 3 ½ *’s.


8) “Giving Up The Gun” – First off let me start with: 5 *’s. Relatable, catchy, infectious. If my life was a movie, this would be the song to play after my alarm goes off and I wake up groggily. There’s nothing I can find wrong with this track, and I hope it becomes the next big hit off the album. Seriously people. Check this song out.


9) “Diplomat’s Son” – The most reggaeton song I never thought I would hear on the album. Hard to judge because not what I expected from the band in the least, but I must say, very impressive. On the Bob Marley scale, I give this track 4 *’s.


10) “I Think Ur A Contra” – A cool, calm melody that’s soft as lotion. A skip-to track if you’re in a chill-out mood and you’ve out-played Pink Floyd’s Dark Side Of The Moon. If I was a kajillionaire, I might pay Vampire Weekend just to play this song for me personally every night so I can fall asleep. 4 ½*’s.


My Highlights:
For the best of the best, if you've never heard Vampire Weekend, well, first of all take a listen to the hit single from their last album - "A-Punk", but then listen to the following tracks off this album: "Giving Up The Gun" and "I Think Ur A Contra". You will listen, and you will love it. Most likely. But should you like it as much as I'm betting you will, you can make the choice between buying this album or just stopping after downloading those tracks.


Overall Rating:
Averaging all the ratings for these albums, you get a 3.4, which I would round to 3 1/2 *'s out of 5. While that's all well and good, and certainly buyable on it's own merit, I'm going to use my overall-big-picture-brownie points and boost that rating by another 1/4 *. It's not deserving a whole half a star, which is the highest I'll raise or lower a score on big-picture merit, but it's certainly an excellent album that the ratings don't account for the lack of tracks vs. the length and quality of the tracks. And so the final score for this album is 3 3/4 *'s out of 5, or 7.5 out of 10! This is an excellent addition to your music library, and I suggest you save up your money and purchase this album. Satisfaction Guaranteed.

CBVGR: Boing! Docomodake

Title: Boing! Docomodake
System: DS
Rating: E
Paid: $10 used, $20 New
Story: Another game with mushrooms, that isn't Mario.

Review: If you don't live in Japan you probably won't know that Docomo is a mascot for NTT (a cell phone company). Usually this is a bad thing, because in most cases mascot games are terrible. Everyone remembers the King games at Burger King right? The one exception to the rule is the Cool Spot game featuring the mascot of 7-Up.

I'm not sure if there is a story to this game. If there is I couldn't figure it out. The Wiki article on this game is weak. I wish I knew more about this game so this review could be beefed up. From what I saw, this doesn't look like a giant ad, so no cell phones running around. That's as much as I can tell you about the story.

The game is a platformer, and not a bad one at all. Your character is a bunch of mushrooms combined into making one big mushroom. When you hit the trigger you can bust out into a bunch of small mushrooms. This is when you can use the other mushrooms to make a ladder, hold down buttons, use them as a weapon and crawl into small places.

Controlling many different mushrooms gave the game that boost from just a normal platform game. While it's fun in the beginning, by the time you beat it you're ready to stop playing. Beating this game will take you around 4 hours, so very short indeed.

Final Say: $5 I can see spending on this game, but $10? Wait till the $5 mark if you show any interest in this game. $10 is too much for a game that doesn't keep you glued to the DS for more than a couple of hours.

Terminator Salvation Review

image from Posterstoponline

Premise:
The year is 2018 and the war between man and machine is full-fledged. Skynet, the government created self-defense system became self-aware and targeted humans, and only one prophesied man can save humanity. Christian Bale is John Conner, leading The Resistance, but he has an unlikely ally. Half-Man, Half-Machine, Half-Amazing, Sam Worthington is Marcus Wright: a con on death row who gave his body to science in 2003 and was turned into a cyborg who awoke in this very time period.


Standouts:
Sam Worthington, and maybe Moon Bloodgood as Blair Williams for her stunts. But this is Sam Worthington's movie. Christian Bale can now fade into obscurity and live off of his success as Bruce Wayne, because this is the second movie in a row (after Public Enemies) that I've been let down by him in.

Something else that stood out was a really poor script. It brought more memories from the old movies back than created new, good ideas. The one good original idea brought to this movie was a giant terminator. AND I MEAN GIANT! To the point, as a view of the series you think... "why didn't they just send that back in time instead of Arnold Schwarzenegger? But Terminators on motorcycles is a really stupid idea. Not to mention there are a variety of plot holes, unanswered questions, and some pretty poor acting which I don't know who to blame on. It's not like the whole movie is plagued with actors acting badly, but when there's a hole in the script it's completely jarring. When Kyle Reese is being questioned about what year it is and what a terminator is by Marcus, WHY WOULDN'T THAT RAISE RED FLAGS!? Surely you'd be like "where have you been all this time, under a rock?" but no such skepticism, just straight question and answer. And Christian Bale randomly screaming "WHAT ARE YOU!?" at a completely trivial time so it could be used for the trailer makes my head hurt.


My Highlights:
Marcus saving Blair from, not machines, but humans! Marcus was just a bad M.F.'er from start to finish, and I hope Worthington gets typecasted for a while in similar action roles. By the time his big fight scene came, I was so convinced at his level of toughness I thought he would be talking smack while taking and dishing out a beating. That's basically the only highlight that'll stick with me though, is Marcus kicking butt.


Overall Rating:
I know after seeing Terminator 3 that the bar has fallen for what the series could produce after Terminator 2, but this was pretty disappointing in terms of expectations. Still, a lot of good action scenes and not a lot of thinking, so if that's all you need than this would be a fantastic movie for you. I'll give it 3 *'s out of 5, or 6*'s out of 10, because in the areas it was good in, it was great, but it still left a lot to be desired. Especially the ending which seemed very jumbled and phoned in from the writing department.


When You Should See It:
If you own a Blu-Ray player or PS3 to watch it on because the explosions are frequent and with a killer sound system, this would make for a great popcorn, enjoy your night kind of movie. If you don't fit into that category, I'm tempted to say skip, but you might want to sit through it just so you can say you saw it. This goes double for those of you who want to say you've seen the whole franchise.

Jesus Keychains

*CAUTION* The following blog post might be offensive to people of the church, believers in Jesus, and Jesus himself... It's not my fault. I blame the seller on Amazon!

Ever wanted a keychain that said, "I've found Jesus. He was behind the sofa the whole time?" Well Amazon is your place! Amazon has about 4 pages full of Jesus keychains. Some of them are kind, like "Jesus Recycles." Recycling is good, good for mankind, earth, and animals. That's really the only one that is kind.

Of course religious people that are offended easily should not check out these keychains. I mean you would have to be a sick person to even look through the 4 pages of Jesus key chains, or someone writing a blog about Jesus key chains.

Now you must think I'm a sick person to just spread around the word of Jesus keychains. Let me state my case before you judge me. I am posting about this because the next time your weird neighbor is having a birthday party, and wants a Jesus keychain, you know where you can go! Also some people might get a kick out of them, and it's my job to entertain people... sick people... very sick people.

Link to keychains

Move out of the way three wolf moon shirt!

Tekken - The Movie

In case you're not an avid, or even casual gamer and don't know what Tekken is, it's possibly the last huge fighting franchise to get well-earned attention and a movie. The series involves six main games that continue a main story arc, plus four Spin-Offs, and three others (remakes/supplements, as wiki calls them). The series revolves around The King Of The Iron Fist tournament, and the winner of who is showered with wealth and fame, so naturally it's a fighting game/movie like Mortal Kombat or Street Fighter. The main character is Jin Kazama who may or may not depending on how the film wanted to run with it, have dark, supernatural abilities that give him an edge in the fights, but moral qualms outside.

Some might complain about the selection of video games that get officially turned into movies despite a lot of dancing around and empty-promises. I've heard a main complaint being that games with a fully developed story like Halo and and BioShock get snubbed, but really, what's the point in making those into movies? Sure it would be interesting to see who gets cast, but if you're just going to do a shot-by-shot live-action version of what happened in the games then how talented of a director, producer etc. do you need? Personally, I'm excited about this movie, though the weapons turn me a small bit away. It's a primarily marital arts game series, so I'm not sure where the weapons come in, but hopefully it isn't too early in the movie to desensitize us.

Take a look for yourselves!

CBVGR: The Darkness

Thanks to Jon over at Super Luminal Comet we now have an intro theme!

Title: The Darkness
System: Xbox 360, also available for PS3
Rating: M

Video Review:


Script: Welcome to the Clearance Bin Video Game Review by Organized Remains. Two and a half years ago The Darkness came out. The lowest I've seen it is for $10 on the Xbox 360, and PS3.

The cover art looks awesome, like it came from a Judas Priest album. The story to the game is that you're Jackie, some 21 year old kid in a mob. This thing called "The Darkness" forces itself into your soul, and gives you these awesome powers. It gives you these tentacle-looking things, and they are just... dark.

It's a creepy game, and this voice is the creepiest voice I've ever heard. You also get some guns in the game, but they are not as fun as playing as The Darkness. The shooting part of the game is below average. Shooting these bad guys is pretty lame.

Playing as The Darkness is pretty cool, and gives this game flavor. If it wasn't for The Darkness, this game would be very dull. You can also create one of these guys and they can help you out. So it's not just the tentacles helping you out.

Final Say: The game is creepy and has lots of gore, and if that's what your into, check it out. If you just want a good shooter, go somewhere else. Looking at other places, this game got pretty good reviews, but I just think it's a meh game. So maybe it's just me, but it didn't keep me glued to the screen. I wish they made the shooting mechanics better, it just seemed choppy. Since I wasn't so into it, but a lot of other people were, I say go check it out, but you might want to wait for a cheaper price.

Dexter Struck With Cancer

According to Entertainment Weekly, star of the hit Showtime series "Dexter" Michael C. Hall has been diagnosed recently with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. I was devastated to hear this, being a massive fan of "Dexter" and just finished watching Season 3 on DVD last month. The season was excellent and centers around Dexter discovering his girlfriend Rita is pregnant, while trying to coerce her to marry him. I'm dying to find out what happens in Season 4 of the series but have to wait for it to hit DVD since I don't subscribe to Showtime. I looked up the wiki article on Hodgkin's Lymphoma and it thankfully described it as such: "The survival rate is generally 90% or higher when the disease is detected during early stages, making it one of the more curable forms of cancer." Hall himself has been quoted in the EW article saying "I feel fortunate to have been diagnosed with an imminently treatable and curable condition, and I thank my doctors and nurses for their expertise and care." Also, Hall is expected to continue the Dexter series with Season 5 later this year with no interference from the disease. If I thought a big celebrity like him needed the donation, I would personally buy a cancer support bracelet in honor of Hall.

Jimi Hendrix's New Album

Back in June, I mentioned a story that Jimi Hendrix's manager might have murdered him. I was upset about this because of all the music he could have made over the years. While it's still upsetting that Hendrix is not around still, we can be excited for a new album.

March 8th is the date Valleys of Neptune will come out. It will feature unreleased songs by Hendrix, also some cover songs, like Cream's "Sunshine Of Your Love." I'm surprised they've waited this long to announce it. It doesn't seem like this is being advertised that much, when it really should be. I'm looking very forward to this new album coming out.

Link to Story

Public Enemies Review

Premise:
It's the era of depression in this biopic, which means financial hard times for all. That is of course you rob banks like incredibly talented and suave John Dillinger (Johnny Depp). To Dillinger's dismay, J. Edgar Hoover has created the FBI and appointed Melvin Purvis (Christian Bale) as a stoic southern hunter. It's cat and mouse from start to finish!


Standouts:
The story is good, the action great, the acting superb. But there's some choppiness and camera work that when watching, completely tore me away from the screen and reminded me I'm watching a movie. Typically when you watch a film there's a certain amount of cuts so everything flows together fluidly. In one particular court house scene, everyone rises, as does the camera man who can't help but shake Blair Witch style. I like Blair Witch style just fine, but I shouldn't be aware when watching this movie that there even is a camera man! Sadly this wasn't the only example either.

The story, while it was real to the events that happened it was far too thinly stretched. It was like the researchers for this film had to many facts on the story and felt they couldn't cut a single detail, which came at the expense of describing what was going on. I felt as though I learned names and faces and actions of people who had little overall importance to Dillinger's story. And while Christian Bale's acting was fine, his character was dull as stone. Learning what becomes of him at the epilogue comes completely out of nowhere, as there was very, VERY little to hint at it.


My Highlights:
John Dillinger in the police station, and when he's at a restaurant with
his main gal, Billie Frechette (Marion Cotillard). He's got arrogance and grace in these scenes that would make Tony Montana in Scarface blush.


Overall Rating:
How someone could give me over two hours of story full of characters and have me only understanding one of them befuddles me. This was entertaining and had plenty of fun moments, but I can only wrap it up as a good brainless action movie. Unfortunately it had plenty of promise to be better. 3 1/4 *'s out of 5, or 6 1/2 out of 10. If you want a mobster movie, see Scarface, The Godfather, or Goodfellas. If you want a good cat and mouse chase movie, see No Country For Old Men.


When You Should See It:
Give it a rent if queue is getting slim on must-see's. It's a good way to pass the time but not anything dire. As for purchasing this film, I'd wait until the price comes down to around $10.

CBVGR: LOL

Title: LOL: Never Party Alone!
System: DS
Rating: E
Paid: 100 points on Goozex, or $10 on Ebay
Story: First there is a game called WTF, now a game called LOL. Still no multiplayer ROFLCopter game.

Review: First thing to be addressed is that you cannot play this alone! You must have friends, significant others, or just other people to play this game. Everyone needs their own DS, but not their own copy of the game. Only one copy of LOL is required to play.

This seems like the laziest idea of a game I've ever seen. There is nothing to this game except for a drawing board. This is where you can draw or erase... that's it! There isn't any different colors, no ability to change the size of the paint brush tool, and no shape builder! You know you're lazy when you can't accomplish something better than Microsoft Paint.

The actual game is that one player asks a question, and everyone answers the question. The question could be: How many hair pores do I personally have on my head? Also it could be a challenge like draw a guy having a bad day that got drenched in the rain. You come up with the game! Each player takes turns making challenges, until they snap their DS in half.

They have this voting system too which was awful. You get three stars to give to the best answer, of course you can also vote on yourself, so that's exactly what happens. Everyone spends all 3 stars on themselves and it's a tied game every time.

Final Say: I'm not going to lie, I "lawled" many times playing this game. The point is to make each person laugh, and it worked. It did get to the point where we wouldn't even make challenges and just right obscene words and gestures on the DS screen (probably not the intention the developers had in mind, or then again maybe it was). Lasting a half an hour playing this game is not worth the $10. With a quickly put together game, with a lot of things they could have put into it, this game is just not worth your time.

NBC - Never Believe (your) Contract

I'm not going to bother citing sources because everything right now appears to be strictly rumor. Even the members involved can only comment on what the rumor mill is generating about them, so I'll summarize what I've heard and lay out how I see it.

Essentially Fact (based upon similarities in all the rumors):

***NBC is working on a change-up to their late night programming, which currently runs The Jay Leno Show 10:00-11:00, The Tonight Show With Conan O'Brien from 11:35-12:35, and then Late Night With Jimmy Fallon from 12:35-1:35.
*The most commonly heard rumors are either that Leno and Conan will each be cut to a half an hour with Leno on at 11:35-12:05 and Conan on from 12:05-12:35, or, that Conan or Leno might be cut all together due to poor ratings.
*Leno appears to be showing interest in the Fox network if he's canceled, and while I've yet to hear direct interest the other way, Fox has stated openly that they'd be interested in bringing Conan aboard if he's canceled.

Here's the responses from Conan O'Brien, Jay Leno, and even Craig Ferguson who is on a completely different network but is a smart and funny, unbiased spectator.

Conan's Response:



Jay's Response:



Craig Ferguson's Unbiased Response:



My Response:

NBC would be fools to cancel Conan, or I'll admit it, even drop Jay Leno. I'm no fan of Jay Leno, but he's got a lot of name value that NBC can't turn into a free agent for someone like Fox to snatch up and use to compete with NBC's lineup. Conan can't be released because despite some dipping ratings as of late, he's far-and-away the best late night talk show host today. So canceling either show would be a really poor move by NBC, who might unfortunately have the final say handed down to them by their new overlords: Comcast, who are a wildcard in this matter.

NBC can't make Jay Leno's show any later, because his entire fanbase refuses to go to bed at 6:00 after dinner so they can stay up to watch him at 10:00. It's a smart move reeling in the senior demographic, but you have to play to their strengths - an early show time. Conan is just the opposite - he represents the youth culture, who are more often insomniacs, either staying up late cuz it's "cool" or because they have homework, or whatever. Jimmy Fallon is the only one who is available to be shifted around, especially later, because if you stay up to watch him for anything other than a big guest, then there is something wrong with your brain.

Tuper Tario Tros

When I first heard of Tuper Tario Tros, I was thinking "how is this possible?" Think about it, how would you combine Super Mario Bros with Tetris? I started playing the game and it turned out nothing like I thought it would. An excellent idea, and the game is very fun to play, and it's for free!

Old school gamers rejoice with Tuper Tario Tros.

Warner Bros. Epic Fail; Screws Netflix Members

According to Variety, Warner Bros just sealed the deal on a conflict they had with Netflix stemming all the way in August of 2009. Warner felt they were losing big money on DVD/Blu-Ray sales because instead of blindly buying the films upon release, everyone was renting them through Netflix, and even the newly formed Redbox. Not all of the details have been released, so I'll admit that some of my statements are purely guesses rather than fact, but you can read the same article I did and make your own conclusions. The facts are that Netflix is getting bound into a 28-day waiting period for all Warner released new releases.

So let's build a scenario where you missed movies like The Informant, Ninja Assassin, The Invention of Lying, Where The Wild Things Are, The Box, The Blindside or Sherlock Holmes in theaters, be it by accident from lack of time or purposefully due to seemingly ever-growing movie-ticket prices these days. You wanted to see one or more of these movies really bad, and everyone talking about them not only while they were in theaters, but also in the bridging few months between theater-and-DVD release only made things worse. These movies get their DVD/Blu-Ray release, and those who saw them in theater now excitedly buy them from their local Wal-Mart, FYE, Best Buy, etc. and begin quoting them all over again. Guess what? You have to wait another month before you can rent it and see if it's even appealing enough to your pallets to purchase. What a slap in the face! No one's going to even want to talk about it anymore by the time you see it!

Warner claims they make 75% of their DVD sales in the first month of release. How is Netflix taking away from that? If anything, Warner should be thanking Netflix and Redbox for getting those movies out quick so people are excited to rush out and buy it. I know Netflix is doing big business, but I haven't heard of any production company doing this back when Blockbuster was big. It sounds like a case of the old guard at WB not understanding today's fresh new technology or consumers. The article even makes mention of this somehow tying into anti-piracy methods. By denying people the chance to see the movie legally for a longer period of time, how the heck aren't you promoting piracy? My friends all see a movie in theaters, it leaves theaters for a few months, everyone who saw it buys it on DVD, why wouldn't I try to find it online by one mean or another? It'd be just as rational as borrowing the movie from a friend who had purchased it, which by the same token isn't going to boost WB profits.

Here's where my strictly-guesswork-opinion comes in. The article states rather vaguely "the pact also includes direct-to-DVD releases and older catalog titles to stream instantly to TVs and computers." It doesn't say what that actually means, but to me it sounds like WB is going to exchange cooperation with the 28 Days Later Clause with more instant-watch material. I love me some instant-watch, but that still sounds like a screwjob. It's like they negotiated to pump the brakes hard on the new hits like the ones I've listed, and in exchange, we can watch such gems as 1997's Free Willy 3: The Rescue, Richie Rich, If Looks Could Kill and Joe Versus The Volcano for free. Its not so much that I think WB has Netflix by the throat as it is Netflix is giving into their demands because they don't want to exclude all the actual hits they've produced. And what if other production companies jump on this bandwagon? Netflix can't please everyone, and I think the consumer is going to suffer.

Video games were sent by the Devil

I've stumbled upon this blogger mom ranting about her hatred for video games. She seems fine with the internet and even TV, but video games is too far. She tells us she has a kid and mentions how her household is the only house in the neighborhood without any video games. I play video games as you know, so it's my job to point out how... would "stupid" be a good word?

Exhibit #1: "Even though his skin is normally mocha-colored, after a day spent in a darkened room with a controller in his hand, he comes home with a sickly pallor."

Us gamers tend to be more pale sure, but would you rather your kid experimenting with drugs and hate crimes?

Exhibit #2: "This is a huge dilemma for me, because I always had this fantasy that my house would be the one that all the kids congregated at after school. I would be the “fun mom,” the one who made popsicles, the one in the TV commercial with all the kids crowded around the kitchen counter, demanding more of those little pizza nuggets."

You complain about your kid being pale, but you're ok with being the fake mom from pizza nugget commercials. You're ok with him eating unhealthy, but at least it's not as bad as video games.

Exhibit #3: "Plus, Cheetah Boy got a C on his report card, and I don’t want to reward him with anything until that grade comes up."

What the heck is a "Cheetah Boy?" Oh... a cheater boy? What you're saying in this one sentence goes against one of the most used arguments mothers against video games have always been using. Your kid got a C, and he doesn't have video games. Kids without video games can get low grades? So are video games really from the devil?

Exhibit #4: "If Sir Isaac Newton had been playing a DS, I’m sure he never would have noticed the apple falling from the tree, so he never would have formulated the theory of gravity."

Now you're bringing Sir Isaac Newton into this? Can we all assume that since Newton formulated the theory of gravity, he was probably interested in science and technology? Also the same thing can be said about a book. People can get sucked into books, would Newton notice the apple if he was reading?

Exhibit #5: "What are the kids who play “Grand Theft Auto” learning? How to be carjackers? How to be pursued by police?"

Stealing a car is as easy as pressing Y right? What kids are learning is the difference between real life and fiction. Also what is he learning from watching movies like Space Jam on DVD? How to stretch across a basketball court?

Exhibit #6: "On one horrible afternoon that scarred me for life, I even saw a kid walking out of the public library playing a Nintendo DS."

She's never heard of Professor Layton, Hotel Dusk, Trace Memory, Time Hollow, and Phoenix Wright? All basically interactive novels for the DS. Also Brain Age, and Big Brain Academy are good for the brain... probably.

There is more I could talk about, but I think I got my point accross. To read the article go here.

TV in 3D

According to Slashfilm.com, some big cheeses in the entertainment business are banding together for something "great"! Discovery, Sony, and IMAX are uniting in order to create new cable channel solely for the purpose of showing 3D Programming. All 3D, all the time! A press release described it as such:

The new 3D network will feature high-quality premium content from genres that are most appealing in 3D, including natural history, space, exploration, adventure, engineering, science and technology, motion pictures and children’s programming from Discovery, Sony Pictures Entertainment, IMAX and other third-party providers.

I get the appeal - Avatar worked in a big way. A lot of 3D films have come out to good success lately, and a lot more 3D films are planned to be on the way. These companies want to give the viewer an experience that's the closest thing to being in the scene as possible. But 3D came and went in the 1980's, and I don't really know what's different now. Sure, the technology is better, but there's nothing about the 3D movement today that doesn't say to me that it's a gimmick that's going to die out sooner rather than later. So I'm not investment genius, but I'd call this channel a bad investment. The only dark horse factor that could turn this into something huge is children, which are a wild card.

Toy Story 3 First Look

IGN has the first look into the new Toy Story coming out.

Toy Story 3 Movie Clip - ABC First Look

This new Toy Story might work, becuse it seems like it's going in the right direction. When I saw the first Toy Story it was amazing. I was the same age as Andy in the movie, and I had toys just like Woody and Buzz. Andy is now going into College, so he's still roughly the same age and in the same phase as me. The series is moving with the generation of people it started with.

Sure it will still be a kids movie, but I think with this direction it will be a movie everyone can enjoy. I will be looking out for more videos of the third edition of Toy Story, and hope the third movie will be better than the second.

"Toy Story 2 was ok." -Demetri Martin

30 Seconds To Mars' "This Is War" Review

image from Amazon.com

Artist/Band: 30 Seconds to Mars
Album: This Is War
Release Date: 12/08/09
Tracks: 12
Runtime: 1:00:18


Track Breakdown:

(all ratings out of 5 *'s)


1) "Escape" - Basically an intro track, but a drawn out one. I was originally very unimpressed, but it all built up to exactly what I was hoping for - the screamfest! 4 *'s.

2) "Night of the Hunter" - An excellent song for live shows, and maybe a future radio hit, but I can't say it's any "Attack" or "The Kill". Still a pretty entertaining, very dark and morbid tune. 3 3/4 *'s.

3) "Kings and Queens" - it's not a track I really like, but I can see the youth of today latching onto it strongly. It's got the emo-screaming in a good balance, but also a depressing, disenfranchised morals. 4 *'s.

4) "This Is War" - Staple this song onto an action film with a hero going up against the odds and you'll skyrocket this song into remembrance. And if Hollywood disagrees, I wouldn't be surprised to see the internetters tack this onto a slew of tribute videos to movies like 300 or Watchmen. 5 *'s.

5) "100 Suns" - A soft, Bic lighter waving, acoustic, arena rock song promoting atheism? As cool as that premise sounds, I'm not sure how to feel about the actual track. Because it appeals to my interest in topics, I'll give it a generous 3 1/2 *'s. It helps that it's so short.

6) "Hurricane" - Points for lyrical content, but in the delivery section there was a lot to be desired. Plus by now, the audience sing-a-long effect was really wearing thin on my nerves. I don't dig live albums very often, so it's not a fun surprise. 2 *'s.

7) "Closer to the Edge" - While not the traditional sound of 30 Seconds to Mars, I really have a love for this song. It's artsy, it's classic, yet it's mainstream and modern. Hopefully this becomes a single because it's really packing a lot of punch. If readers don't hear this song on the radio anytime soon, do yourself a favor and look into it, as it could be the hidden gem on the album. 5 *'s.

8) "Vox Populi" - It's got a great sound to it, and if you aren't paying attention, you wouldn't feel compelled to skip it as it came on, but there's really nothing about it you want to skip all other tracks to get to. 3 *'s. Again, the sing-a-long is a shallow gimmick, but I can force myself to overlook it on this track, as the title means in Latin: voice of the people.

9) "Search and Destroy" - Amazing intro, and all downhill from there. Not my cup of tea at all. Sounds like the rest of the album in all the worst ways. 1 1/2 *'s.

10) "Alibi" - Starts off with a lot of whispering putting me to sleep, and not in a cool, soothing kind of way, and then progressively gets louder and more irritating. I love 30 Seconds to Mars belting out one way down from the pits of the lungs but this was just a raspy fork in the ear drum. 1 *.

11) "Stranger in a Strange Land" - It feels like it's inspired by Dante's Inferno to me, but this song ticks me off. It has A LOT going right for it. There's a beat that's Godsmack + Disturbed + Evanescence, and the lyrics are so dark and creepy, and a little down right scary. It's almost as though these are the final words a sadistic, B.A.M.F. tells you before he offs you in a veeeery gorey manner. Then on the flipside, that awesome beat completely wusses out, and goes back and forth. Artsy? Maybe. But I'm no longer pumped by the time it fades away. Needed A LOT more in Jared Leto's vocal department. He should have been blowing the microphone up with his shrieking, or at least have done the humanitarian thing and sold the rights to the song to someone that could have actually made it worth listening to. 2 *'s.

12) "L490" - Yeah. This sounds good in headphones. Completely instrumental, so I can't complain on Jared Leto's part. But it starts off with this noise, louder than anything Leto's screamed on the album, that sounds like someone running their finger along the top of a water glass. This hollow, echoing, obnoxious sound THANKFULLY dies out after about 45 miserable seconds, and we're greeted with a guitar riff reminiscent of Metallica's "Unforgiven" or maybe "One". Hey, no complaints there. Except it hardly changes for another two freaking minutes. If your ears aren't bleeding by the end of that, GOOD NEWS! We have (satanic?) monks chanting demonically in Latin. Here's the best news about this though, I survived listening to it. Possibly the worst thing I've ever had to rate, and I only give it this because of the initially enjoyable Metallica riff - 1/4 *. Take out the guitar, and you''d have no stars.


My Highlights:
"This is War" and "Closer to the Edge" are both fantastic rock tracks, that even if you're not a fan of 30 Seconds To Mars you should check out.


Overall Rating:
Average up all of the star ratings and you get 2.91, which I'm going to use my overall big picture reviewer powers and round down to 2 1/2 *'s out of 5. You get the farthest ends of the two extremes on this album. There are some fantastic songs that you might want to play over and over, but it also features some awful ones, including the worst I've ever had to review. Because it's not even a sturdy 3 *'s, I say skip this album unless you're hoping to form a collection of 30 Seconds to Mars in your library, and even want their crappy work. And that's not a diss to the band, everyone has their off albums. But I was looking forward to this album for a full year and was severely dissapointed. Listen to the tracks I've suggested on Lala.com, and purchase the Highlights so you're not jipped of either the fll price or the musical experience.

CBVGR: Mushroom Men: The Spore Wars

Title: Mushroom Men: The Spore Wars
System: Wii
Rating: E


Script: Welcome to the Clearance Bin Video Game Review by Organized Remains. I've always seen Mushroom Men: The Spore Wars for the Wii on Clearance shelves, but $15 for a game that has mushrooms in it, but no Mario? Better give this a rent.

I'm going to start this review positively by saying that this game has a certain creepiness to it. It's just a weird, and oddly shaped game, with a look of that reminds me of Psychonauts. Which by the way is an awesome game, but lets get back on topic with Mushroom Men.

Some people might like swinging the Wiimote around to hit bad guys. Sure, even I like it to some extent, but can't there be a button on the controller just for melee? That's the main complaint I have, but there are many other small complaints. Running is to slow... gliding is actually faster than running, the enemies are pretty lame, the sticky hand grappling hook is poorly designed, and the ability to pick up objects and throw them was fun, but needs a lot of development work. You have swing the Wiimote to throw something. I would rather point and aim at the screen and press a button that shoots it for you. While some people might like to swing more, there should be an option that lets you decide.

Ok back to positive things. I loved the idea of collecting objects throughout the game and being able to create many different weapons. The amount of collectibles in this game is a lot, which gives more replay value to it. It's too bad it didn't keep me interested that long. I didn't even want to beat it.

Final Say: This game needs some work, but the idea of the game is great. If there is a sequel I hope they work on the controls and graphics more. I've seen many different platform games, so there is better options out there. Give this game a rent. I read that the game is only 6 hours long, but if you're like me, you won't get that into it. So if you show any interest in this game, rent before you buy.

Review of (500) Days of Summer

image from Wikipedia

Premise:
Boy, AKA Tom (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) meets Girl, AKA Summer (Zooey Deschanel) and falls madly in love. Summer likes Tom too. Notice the word choice there, and how the title only states 500 days. In the 500 days, you get the most un-Hollywood glamorized, realistic (nerdy?) portrayal of a relationship from start to end with inveitable ups and downs. You know those goofy but fun and lovable friends you have that you turn to when you have problems? This movie even gave those guys a realistic, and vital role as themselves.


Standouts:
The narrator really does a good job of selling this movie whenever he jumps in. No matter how serious or quirky the scene calls for, this narrator just hits the nail square on the head. And the stars of the film, Gordon-Levitt and Deschanel are undoubtedly amazing. You can relate, you can empathize, you can understand, and at the same time you can be entertained.

The jumping around in time (going from day 400-something to day 1, then to day 2, then to day 150, then to day 400-something, then to day 20 or something like that) really made my head spin. I had some real difficulty keeping hold of things in sequential order when they weren't seperated by at least two hundred days. And really, I don't think there was such a need for all the time-jumping. There's also a scene that gets a little too indie-art for me as a film-buff, where a depressed Tom is staring out on the scenary before him which all turns to a sketch, and then gets faded and erased. This is the only time that the entire reality of the movie is bent to such a degree and I thought it stood out to me in a negative light. In contrast, Tom gets a dance-sequence out of nowhere that also bends reality, but at least that worked for Ferris Beuller.


My Highlights:
When Summer meets Paul. It's brief, but Summer has one of the funniest zingers ever. I was even embarressed for Tom, it was so good. There's also a hilarious scene when Tom and Summer go to an Ikea store, where entire furnished rooms are on display and the pair go from room to room role playing that their a propper married couple.


Overall Rating:
A movie with some expertise acting and great directing and writing. The zingers zing just right, the cute stuff makes your heart warm, and the sad parts break your heart. I can also see why some wouldn't like this movie, as it's entirely focused on Tom, maybe a little too much. But still an overall amazing movie, which I award 4 *'s out of 5.


When You Should See It:
It depends on your relationship status. If you're single, and happy to be single, then there's not really a rush. But if you're recently post-breakup, or starting a new relationship, or in the middle of a relationship that you're really enjoying, the kind you don't mind showing your dorky side to your partner, see this movie as soon as possible. It's going to put your whole life into perspective!

Best Internet of 09

New Years Day! Still doesn't mean we cant award Internet Memes!

Best Internet Meme of 09: Keyboard Cat

With that catchy song, you can't go wrong. It's a cat playing a keyboard!



Runner Up: Three Wolf Moon Shirt
Just one of the reviews on Amazon!