Jul 12, 2011

Review: Alice: Madness Returns

Oh hello there. The deathly pale snickering cat by the door will let you know that I'm Nick. I'm from an orange beating heart of a place called Organized Remains. My corruption is to slide down the world of dark mountainous slopes covered in prickly caterpillars of electronic gaming. Today's game is a sick game that only a walrus stabbing it's heart with it's own tusk would understand.

Okay, don't leave! I'm not doing the whole review like this! This just gives you an idea of what the story is like in Alice: Madness Returns. It's told in a very poetic way, using such things as adjectives and verbs. In Alice: Madness Returns, you play as Alice (go figure), and you're trying to remember your past and doing your darnedest to save Wonderland.

Is this like that movie? You know, Alice in Wonderland? Or that other movie, with that guy from that pirate movie... uh Orlando Bloom? No. Does Alice wear different dresses during the game? Yes, very.
Alright, that's enough questions! Lets talk about these controls. I felt that the controls were pretty well done. At first, timing Alice's jumping can be a hassle but once you get that down, you're most-excellent! There was a lot that Alice could do. She could triple jump, use an assortment of cool weapons, use a shrinking ability to fit in small places, and uncover invisible platforms.

Heh, platforms - there's something you'll see a lot. By that, I mean most of the game is you jumping from platform-to-platform. Usually, I would complain about this but Alice actually did the platforming right enough that I enjoyed it. It only started feeling stale around the 4th chapter of the game. The game is pretty long, and I don't know an exact time-frame but I think it took me 8 hours to get to the 4th chapter.

This game does try to put on some make up by throwing in some slides and 2D versions of the game. The slides are very lame. There's nothing fun about it, but the 2D platform levels are the worst. You just want it to be over with. The controls aren't the best when it comes to this, and I just found myself wanting it to end. These parts of the game don't show up that often though.

The last thing to talk about is the graphics! "Oh this game looks artistic!" "Oh yeah it is!" "Look at these playing cards!" That's all I heard about this game before going in, but I found the graphics to be overhyped a little. While they're nothing spectacular, they are cool to look at. It has that creepy, gothic feel to it.

Final Say:
That Alice needs therapy, good controls.
That Alice needs therapy, Platforms aplenty
That Alice needs therapy

Check out this game. What does that mean?
Find it on sale, or you'll be crazy in the coconut.
What does that mean?
$20 too $30 is a good price.

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